Out of Favor

Well.  We have had a new development.  Mae has fallen out of favor with the favorite….meaning my brother and sister in law.  It all happened last May and came to a head last September when I made my brother aware of a few things he did not know about.  In a nutshell…and there is way to much to explain, my nephew graduated last year.  We went to see him graduate and I thought…I…we all had a grand time.  Mae accused my sister in law and brother of all sorts of crazy things that did not happen.  Months later in September Mae called my brother and demanded that he leave his wife and three kids and move back home to live with her and take care of her.  REALLY???

The only way I knew about it was that my brother called me and asked me if I had spoken to her recently.  No.  I had not.  She basically had been ignoring me here for about 6 months.  That was all good.  No contact means no crazy.  Now it all begins again.  He told me what happened and that she had called him a 2nd time demanding the same thing.  He had put it off to her having a crazy spell but the 2nd call made him realize she was serious.  I was amazed.

I then explained to him alot of things that he did not know about how Mae felt about his wife.  At this point he had not mentioned the call to his wife but now he would have to.

They basically have disowned her.  They will not take her calls or letters and will not let the kids visit.  Mae come from a time when black and white relations were not good and she is still in the frame of mind. She is a racist.  Her daughter in law is white and that has always been a problem.  Until now it was a problem that my brother and sister in law did not know about.  She had kept it hidden but now it has all come out.

All their married years I have been hearing all the racist comments she had made about my sister in law and I kept it all to myself.  I was not going to be the one to tell my brother who she really felt.  Not my place.  Finally racist has reared its ugly head so far up that it all came out.  I just clarified the situation for my brother.

Mae is still under the delusion that she has done nothing wrong.  It is a problem that has been caused by my brother and sister in law.  It is imaginary.  I was with her for my nephews graduation weekend and all the crazy things that she says my brother and sister in law did and said to her never happened.  We were all together the entire weekend in the same rooms and I never heard any of the crazy things she is claiming.  It is almost like we had to be in 2 different places.

So, Mae is on the outs with her favorites.  She has done the most for them in turns of helping financially and loving and now they have nothing to do with her.  Sad.  Now she is trying to put me in the middle. She calls them and they hang up on her.  She writes and sends card for holidays and their birthdays.  They write return to sender on them.  Rightly so.  If they knew what I have always know for the past 10 years, this would have happened many years ago.

 

 

Precious Black Swans

I had the opportunity to see Precious yesterday. I checked it out from the library. It has to be one of the most disturbing movies I have seen in quite awhile. I meI had the opportunity to see Precious yesterday. I checked it out from the library. It has to be one of the most disturbing movies I have seen in quite awhile. I mean. I guess I feel a connection because I too suffered some abuse as a child for quite a while. I wonder if abuse, if portrayed on the big screen would all be so disturbing? I wonder. I suffered a lot. About half way through I was wondering if Precious would ever be able to get away. I thank god she did. Mothers. Some are just biological. They spit you out into the world with no sense of giving a baby any of the skills to survive and in fact, do all they can to thwart any upward growth. Only by change and the grace of God and the help of others do a few manage to see the light, break free and end the cycle.

Precious. She was anything but that to her mother.

Black Swan. Black Swan. What can I say. I saw this movie too. It was a movie weekend. It took me a while to realize the main actress/ballerina was mentally ill. She had to be schizophrenic and I think even had some sort of dis-associative disorder. I think she was even having some sort of personality split. The movie was well done but again….why did not that mother get that child some help? She needed some medication.

Precious black swans.  May you always find the strength. Somehow.

I did.

 

A Thought…

We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same. ~~Carlos Castaneda

Time Passes and Things Don’t Always Change

Well it has been a while since I last posted and things as far as Mae is concerned is the same. In fact it has gotten worse in some respects.  You would think that she could not cause any real harm now but she has.  Keep checking back.  I will be updating. 

Thanks to all for all the comments that in fact validate that I am not the only one.  I thought I was the only one dealing with this sort of issue.  That validation means a lot!

Dog Almost Gone?

Here is the dog saga since the last post of Dog Gone.  Mae’s dog ran out of cough syrup about 3 weeks ago.  I called the vet to see about getting a refill and they will not give a refill unless he comes in for a checkup.  I told Mae this…that it was time to take the dog in and  what the vet said.  She refused.  She said she did not want to take him to the vet anymore.  She was not going to invest any more money in the dog going to the vet.  He would just have to get sicker and sicker because she had determined he was not going to get any better.  Ok…so the coughing has increased over the last few weeks.

He is in congestive heart failure.  He takes 3 medications for that… a diuretic, a bronchial opener and one other that helps his heart.  He ran out of 2 medications about 2 weeks ago.  He only had a few of the diuretic left.  She can’t really drive to the vet due to her vision.  She has not even asked me once to get any refills for those medications. These are medications that the vet has stressed over and over to her that he cannot miss any doses.

On yesterday she calls me to take the dog to the vet for a checkup and to be cremated.  She has made the decision to put him down as she cannot take the sound of his coughing anymore.  I can tell this is going to be drama but at least the dog will be going to the vet.  He needs a checkup after being off medication for about 3 weeks.  Mae does not go…..I get to her house and she is there hugging the dog and talking to him saying, “we do not have fun together anymore,”  “you have to go with PAPA”, “goodby…we had some great times together”.  (Papa is my father who died about a year and a half ago.) She said she had given him a bath that morning and already said good bye to him.  She says that she wants to have a funeral for him in the back yard.  (I wonder who is going to dig the grave because it is not going to be me.)  Am I to bring his body back in my car for her to bury in the yard????

Then she says no….she can’t see herself digging a hole in the backyard so she will pay for cremation instead.  She tells me she does not want him anymore she cannot take his coughing.  She  cannot take anymore of his sickness and is getting rid of anything sick.   I tell her  the dog has a chronic condition and I reiterate all the vet has ever told her and me about the dogs’  condition….that his heart condition is manageable by his medication but he must be given the medication…that his cough is something that comes with his breed of dog. It can be managed by giving him th ecough syrup.

She then takes this that I am insisting that she keep the dog regardless that his cough is getting on her nerves.  Then finally she gives me a check and yells at me to have him cremated.  I tell her that vets do not just kill dogs or cats just because their owners come in and say …”kill my dog today because I am tired of him.”  That is not what they do. She insisted that it was and it would be because she decided it.   She said that if the vet will not kill the dog then she will have someone take her to the local animal shelter and just drop him off because she knows they will put him to sleep because they do not place sick animals. She writes out a check and tells me to have him cremeated.   I take her check and the dog and go to the vet for the checkup.  Why is she not going?  She is going out with friends to lunch so she cannot go to the vet.

15 minutes later I am at the vet.  What is the condition of the dog now?  He is still happy and active and dancing and prancing all over the house.  The vet comes in and asks me about the situation.  My mother had apparently called them about having him cremated earlier in the week.  I tell her that basically she has decided that she cannot take the sound of his cough anymore and that she wants her to put the dog to sleep.  The vet examines the dog.  I tell her that he had not had medication in about 3 weeks because mom  is not giving it to him.  And that I think it is on purpose…so that he can get really sick.  I tell the vet that when I left the house she was not expecting him to come back..that she wanted the dog put down.  That Mae was hugging him for the last time and saying good bye to him.  I also told her what she said about the drop off at the local shelter.

Well..the vet decided that she could not put him down.  His condition had not really changed much since he was last seen.  She said his chest sounded a little more gurgly and that was because he was not getting his heart meds.  She said the dog was happy and active and putting him down was not the solution.   She said that there were 3 options:

• to take dog back home with meds and convince Mae to medicate the dog properly
• for me to take the dog as the expectation was he would not be coming back home
• to call a dog rescue shelter who places small dogs who are sick or are elderly owner surrenders.  she gave me the number to the shelter
• if she refuses to give the dog to the rescue shelter AND she refuses to give him his medication, to put the dog down simply to get the dog away fro her as a bad owner…it would be cruel for him to suffer from lack of medication and vet visits.

I get all the meds refilled and take the dog back to Mae’s house.  She is still out having lunch.  I put the dog in the yard and put his medication in the kitchen.  I again have bought the cough syrup as she refuses to buy it.  I get in my car to go.  All of a sudden the dog shimmies his little body through the fence and runs toward my car now backing out of the drive.  Animals know who are kind people and who are bad.  I take this as a sign.  I go back in, get the dog and his medication so that I can give it to him and take him to my house.  I can certainly keep him for a few days….maybe keep him period.  But….Mae will never give him to me so that will be short lived.  Maybe a few days will give Mae a break from hearing him cough?  I call the rescue shelter and get a voice mail and leave a message.  I leave Mae a note that the vet did not put down the dog, that he needs to be given his medicaton and that an option if she did not want him was to go to a rescue shelter who will place a dog with his medical condition.

I take the dog to my house and run errands and do other things.  I get a call from Mae yelling and screaming as I expected.  She wants her dog.  I tell her she does not.  I tell all that we discussed with the vet and that I had told the vet all the things she told me to and putting him down was not what the vet could do and that if she did not want the dog, there was a shelter that would take him in and he would live with people who would take care of him and give him his medications as needed.  No need for him to suffer with her.  Well, she decided that I had stolen her dog from her and that she was calling the police.  She said that she needed to be the one to decide that he needed to go to a shelter.  I again reminded her over and over that she told me she did not want the dog anymore and wanted him killed.  She could not take him anymore and was saying her last goodbyes in my presence.

She denied that any of that happened!  She did.  I told her she was crazy.  She began to scream and yell that she wanted her dog back and could I not see how upset she was.  I told her she was not upset about the dog as she did not want the dog.  I told her she was upset that I did not have the dog cremeated or felt that I had not had the dog put down.  I explained that was not up to me…the vet decided he was not to be put down and she was the one who suggested a pet rescue since he needed a new home.  She began to scream to bring her dog back or she would call the police.  I told her to call them.  She then went back to screaming that she hated me.  I told her that was the very heart of the problem.  She has hated me since the time I was born.

Today was the very first day she finally said that to me.  She yelled that she hated me about 6 times.  I asked what else was new.  I have always known that.  She said that she will leave me nothing in her will.  Trust me, I am not expecting anything.  Never have.  That too has been something she has been telling me my entire life.  I kept telling her she did not want the dog so he needed a new home.   She again threatened to call the police.  I have moved and still have a few things in her garage.  She said she will put my things out in the street.  No..not happening.  I told her I would bring the dog and she said she would call the vet on Monday and talk to her about what do to with him….rescue.  She screamed again that she hated me and hung up. I also called some friends with big cars to help me move that rest of my things or most of them out of her house.

I took the dog back, gave her the meds and spent the next 3 hours moving most of the remainder of my things out of her garage.  Now I just have a few things and plants.  She acted like nothing had happened.  She wanted me to go to the store and run an errand for her.  I did only till I can get all of stuff out.  After that…she is on her own.  I feel sorry for the dog.  He has a bad owner.  It is bad that the dysfunction and evil that lives within her spreads to everything.  Even innnocent pets.

Not Just Me!

My sibling and family came to town this past weekend and I had the chance to talk about all the things that have been happening in the past year and a few months we have been with mom.  The story my sibling had been hearing was of course all one sided.  They thought I was the source of the problem.  After speaking to me things were clarified.  The response…they were all glad to be away from her and they know she has problems.

They had been thru it as well when they still lived in this state and I had moved away many years ago.  They were left here with her.  They were glad to be away from her…..well how does that help me? Things are clearer to them as to what really is happening here and it is me that is believed now. Thank god.   Well.  Last night they got in the car and went back to another state 6 hours away.  They are glad to be away from her. 

Me?  Still here with her and the chaos.

Pain Body Drama

A New Earth, the book I am currently reading goes into great detail how a dense pain body feeds on drama.  Now the drama mama is spreading outward.  I have made myself as scarce as possible and she has now found all sorts of other people to claim as the enemy.  She literally has named perfectly innocent people at church her enemy.  Last week she named three.  I will not name their names to protect the innocent.  But they are so unlikely and have very little to do with her, it is just ridiculous.  The people she has named are not even in her circle of people she talks to . 

On yesterday, she named three more…different than the ones before and what did they actually do to her?  Nothing.  She imagines all the things like people are talking about her…..well, they might be…her behavior is bizarre….and that she is ready for them.  On the way home from church she spend the drive calling the new three “old biddies and prunes and she was ready for them.”     How she did “not care a rat’s behind” about any of them and how they spoke to me and not her.  Always I am in everything.  People who speak to me do not speak to her..in her mind.  She went on about how the past minister at her old church slandered her and that they(the new three) are all concerned about what she is doing since my father died.  

This is in keeping with the pain body creating problems within organizations that the person belongs to.  Throughout all my adult and young adult life as far back as I can remember, she has always had problems with people on her job, in book clubs she has been in, in sororities she joined, at church…..every social entity she has been involved in there has always been a bad ending with some sort of drama she has been involved in.  The drama?  Imaginary things.   Things that she has confronted people on and those things have never happened.  It is all imaginary thinking. 

Soon, I believe there will be a blowup/melt down at church on a Sunday.  It is soon in coming.  She had one last summer with the next door neighbors.  She was calling the police because they were literally parking in front of their lawn and she thought that their lawn was hers.  She was claiming it.  I finally had to make her physically go outside with me and look at the property line, walk it and show her that she was wrong.  And to stop.   Calling the neighbors for parking in front of their own house and lawn was ridiculous.

A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose

I got this book about three weeks ago and began to read.  My what a confirmation it was for me.  A New Earth:  Awakening to Your Life’s Pupose read like a text book of my mother and all her behavior.  It was  uncanny.  I am now on the pain body and it explained it all.  She does operate in the past.  Now I understand why she can sit around all day and think of things all day that are not based in reality and then when I get home she is ready to burst.  And does with all sorts of things not based in reality and entirely made up.  That book is my mother.  Her pain body is in complete control.

I learned alot and am still learning.  It has given me insight as to why all these things are happening.  I know I will have to read it again…just to be sure I did not miss anything.  Her pain body is in complete and total control and she is totally unconscious.

Lies

About 2 weeks ago it was about 11pm and I was working at my computer looking for jobs and reading cnn when my mother came in to begin one of her nightly random fights.  It was a long day.  I had worked all day and was very tired.  Basically when she begins I try not to say anything.  Her new thing is to accuse me of lying.  She calls me a liar all day long in just about every conversation.  I don’t lie. 

Finally that night I called her on it.  I asked her to tell me any one specific lie I had told that day.   Silence.  She continued.  She called me a liar again.  I asked her again to tell me a lie she had caught me in on yesterday, or last week, or last month or any time at all.  Just name one.  Just one. 

Silence. 

She has finally stopped calling me that name.

Silence is Golden

Last night when I got home, Mae was making pancakes.  No chaos for once night.  Just quiet.